Dear marketeers: why not market your souls to the devil, he’s your target market.

Oh wait, he’s already got them, you 1-dimensional, patronising bunch of dickheads.
I am yet to see an advertisement for anything that directly appeals to me and has a relevant impact on my choice of product. How can they be that wrong, all of the time an still reap the benefits?

This seems to just continue to propagate and reinforce the same shit ideals, day in, day out until somebody believes it.

I think they just sell their own crap ideas back and forth between each other and keep this false market afloat in the process. No real human being with common sense and the basic ability to discern right from wrong would ever be knowingly plunged into a compulsive purchase off the back of the streaming shower of lies that most, if not all marketing companies pour forth over our media.
Every single ad break without fail will feature all of the the 4 following horsemen of the apocalypse:

1) Aspirational patronisation,
2) Half-truths and deception
3) Bad science
4) Guilt

1) Selling a lifestyle.
If you wanted the lifestyle portrayed by the car advert, holiday etc. etc; you would have the nouse, skills and subsequent financial backing behind you to achieve them on your own.
For example, if you were in a position to see the new Audi A6 on a car advert and spontaneously just phone them and order one immediately. You probably already have one.

This kind of advert is aimed at those who drive a 2001 ford focus and like the moving pictures of the pretty shiny car sweeping across the moorland. Their tiny simple man-brain is being whisked away to an idyllic world of malt whisky, log fires and easy opulence.

That’s called being successful, Gary from Bridgeport. You can’t just have that, Gary, by watching an advert on tv. Gary.

So what’s the point? Obviously Audi are selling the ‘idea’ of Audi and what they try to associate with the brand, I.e the sort of people who already have them get to feel a bit more smug at their choice they made without the intervention of Audi. So how does that create revenue?

2) and 3) Shortened sequences, enhanced performance figures, swish videos showing the product at it’s perfect best that is sooooooo far from a real-world situation that its almost laughable. Case in Point: any Apple product.

White background, perfectly lit studio and regulation pastel-sleeved, No-Cal vagueness.

Yes, it is the product that you can buy and yes, those are the features it has but no, it is NEVER going to work that seamlessly on the 63 bus to Kings Cross when you fucking need it to.

Same applies for Samsung, Microsoft, most car companies and generally technology advertising as a whole. That bumpf at the bottom of the screen relaying the mpg. and ‘on the road’ figures? Yeah there’s a reason why they don’t blow that text up and CG the the shit out of it with pretty colours to make it the focus of the advert because those are……. FACTS. And we don’t want to look too long at those boring old things do we?, no look over there at the pretty lady and the special effects!

The car done drawn a picture wiv it’s weelz. Clap clap.

3) Anything marketed at women.

Those silly things with their hair and makeup. They’ll believe anything right? this is 1890 after all.

There seems to be enough cosmetic research budget thrown at them that could probably have gone towards actual medicine for actual illness.
I’m sorry, Bertha, but being fugly isn’t going to be cured by your credit card and Boots the chemist. Boys in O’Neills will not look past your hot mate and decide to make ‘pig in lipstick’ the new sexy, However, the advertising suggests otherwise.

We’re all aware of it and I don’t need to go over again the argument that witchcraft is still very much alive in the hazy world of scientific bullshit peddled via beauty products but there is obviously a strong and effective force at play and it is this which results in the myriad tiny bottles of liquid gold that women covet and keep in the mystical apothecary that is the bathroom cupboard.
Still shocked that educated people in the modern world continue to buy into this crap.
Eat better. Do some exercise. Oh look, your skin cleared up and you look hot.

Costs a lot of money to get that high level of production quality from the 3rd world. That is all.


About Mike

Having a go at bloggery View all posts by Mike

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